You have to know which one you are before any sort of growth can occur.
It has taken me a full year to put my finger on why I was able to drop 55 pounds when I first started ... why I was able to get healthy, stay on track, make changes, and GET PREGNANT naturally. And now, knowing everything I know, I am back at my biggest and most miserable. I want so badly to go back to the way things were. I have promised myself that I'd get back on track only to fail time and time again. I was so confused as to why I was able to do it once before and am now failing.
This past week, I finally figured out what was missing ... MY COACH!!!!!
Let's be honest: I am weak. I have NO willpower and self control.
Okay, okay ... so that's being a little harsh on myself.
I am the type of person who needs consequences. Given the right motivation, the right chastisement at the right time, I can stay on track with minimal supervision. But getting to that point takes a long time. When I first started this journey, I had my husband with me as I received the news that I would have a life long struggle with PCOS and what exactly that meant for me. That day, we walked out of the office and the first thing my husband told me was that he would be there with me the whole way. We went out and gorged on everything we wanted, and then, when the meal was done, all of that indulgence was over. With his help, I did research and we studied together. We worked together to learn about food and what to buy and cook so I had exactly what I needed to be healthy. Together, we got my PCOS under control.
When the baby was born, everything changed. My coach and I both changed focus onto our little boy. We became overly concentrated on all of the little things he needed. My research turned to child development and nutrition. With all of the conflicting studies out there, it takes time to siphon through the bunk to get to the information we needed for him.
We became so focused on our son that we forgot about me. I was prepared to make the sacrifice as this is our first child. But when I was ready to go back to myself, my coach, however, stayed focused on our son.
This week, realizing that I couldn't do this alone, I told him that I needed my A**Hole back. I needed the jerk I used to have to remind me that I didn't need to eat (insert junk food here), or that we should eat at restaurant A because they have that meal I can eat. I needed the shaming. I know this sounds contrary to a healthy relationship, but you have to know what works for you. For us, his little jabs are from a place of love, not because he wants me to be a size 6 ... but because he knows how much better I feel when I am healthy, and how confident I become when I am eating what I need vs. what I want. T
I certainly got my jerk back in the past few days, and for the first time since our son has been born, I really am 100% convinced that I will be successful.
The journey continues, and now, I recognize that I am not alone in this. With my coach and God on my side, I will be victorious.
