For those of us PCOSgals, we would like to think that becoming pregnant and reaching the end with a happy healthy baby would signal the end of our struggle. Unfortunately, as I found out, the struggle is far from over.
Many women with PCOS struggle with breastfeeding as I have these past few weeks, and let me tell you, not only is it discouraging to have this issue, I can't help but feel like a failure. These are emotions that I would prefer not to have as I am trying to bond with my new little one and create a loving environment for our family.
Refusing to simply throw in the towel, I decided to do some research. Before I delivered my son, I read a breastfeeding book by Ina May Gaskin. The book was helpful with common breastfeeding issues, but it failed to touch on the issues I now face with my PCOS. Looking back, I should have known that a bodily function controlled by hormones could be disrupted by my hormone imbalance. DUH!
It is something I wish I would have been prepared for before my son arrived!
I breast fed exclusively for four days until my son's cries of hunger had me at my breaking point. I had my mother hold him while I went into the kitchen and prepared him his first bottle of formula ... tears streamed down my face, feeling defeated and inadequate. I cried while I fed my son, wondering what was wrong with me that I couldn't do it myself as my mother, in turn, held me while I cried.
I have to say, that my husband was my biggest source of comfort during the next few days. When he came home that night from work I held my head low as I told him that I had made Evan a bottle of formula fearing the worst. I thought he would be disappointed with me ... but just the opposite, he smiled and hugged me, wiped the tears away and told me that everything would be okay. He let me know that I was a good mother, that I wasn't selfish by letting him cry or simply throwing in the towel by never trying in the first place. I gave him what he needed, and because of that I was a great mother.
Still, even with my husband's words of encouragement, I still feel a little down about the situation. I refuse to give up and have switched from feeding at the breast to only pumping. This way, I know exactly how much milk I am making and I pump after every feeding as Evan snoozes.
There are several reasons why us PCOSgals may have problems breastfeeding and the best information on the subject is here at this site.
Evan is now on a 30/70 diet of breast milk vs. formula and I still hope that my supply will increase as I do everything from routinely pumping to maintaining my diet to do just that. Every drop is good for him and I won't stop trying until I can't get anymore drops. I am still researching supplements and prescriptions that my assist in increasing production, and that may be an option for me in the following weeks.
For now, I am trying to hold my head high and be a Diva! No matter how this situation turns out, I am a good mother, I have a healthy son, and I praise God for these blessings and many more.
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